Sunday, September 25, 2011
Because I wrote.
I have not written something new in what feels like months. For a while I could blame it on all the editing I needed to do for Finding Angel. Then the cover art. Then marketing. And weaseled in-between is exhaustion from all of it put together. But the fact is, I haven't been feeling inspired.
Except during church. Only I fight the urge to write during church because, well, it's church. I'm supposed to be focusing. I'm supposed to be listening. I'm supposed to be standing during the songs when we physically go to church. And at home, I feel like I should be paying attention twice as hard to make up for not going.
So, I fight the ideas swirling around my head. I shove them away, telling them to come back later. Now is not the time. Don't you know this is rude? We're here for God, so go sit patiently until I'm ready for you.
The problem is, the ideas don't come back. They don't wait for another time. They storm off or dissipate and I can't seem to find them again when I have nothing to do except check Facebook.
Today I didn't tell them to go away. I let them in. I sat on my couch with my notebook and scribbled all the stuff that comes so easily to me while the worship team sings. And you know what? I still "heard" the music, and I still "heard" the sermon. But I filled up pages with ideas!
I don't know why I fight writing at those times. I don't know why I disregard the fact that I consider my writing ability a gift from God and then shoo away ideas simply because they show up in His house. Or my house during His time. If the gift is from Him, wouldn't the ideas be something He wants me to have?
I realized the problem is not what God thinks of me writing during church, but my concern for what other people will think. And that has led me to pondering what other people think about several things that are important to me. It's all simmering in the back of my head, and I expect it to soon boil into my next post on New Authors' Fellowship...